Stress Relief (EreMika)
by Pepin-Bones
Summary: Soldiers lead stressful lives, which means they need ways to unwind and cope with the stress of what they see and what they do - sometimes in unconventional ways. But Eren thinks it's ridiculous, or at least he did...
1. It Wasn't Going to Happen

_A/N: Slight AU in which more time elapses from the first incident at Trost and the 57_ _th_ _Recon Mission._

 _I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters. All rights belong to Hajime Isayama._

They all understood it, or at least the _concept_ of it. It was one of many uncomfortable things forced down their throats during training, taking even some of the hardiest of trainees by surprise with the superior's candor. The fact of the matter was that soldiers lead stressful lives. They saw and did (or often _had_ to do) things that normal people could not even imagine. They witnessed friends die, came close to death themselves, saw more blood shed sometimes in a single day than others would see in an entire lifetime. They left on missions never knowing how many of their friends would be coming back or even if they would be coming back alive. And they would do it all again, day after day, for the sake of the human race. This took a heavy toll, and that meant that soldiers needed a way to release that stress, no matter how unorthodox it might be.

In training, the superiors had been blunt, not that the cadets expected anything less, and when the topic was first broached, every face in the room went bright red with the exception of the superiors giving the lecture.

"It is nothing to be ashamed about," the medical officer went on. She was the female counterpart who worked alongside the doctor who taught them what they knew about titans. "In the heat of battle, or any encounter, your blood will be up. You'll see things you will want to unsee. It's only natural to seek solace in the arms of someone else or to want to comfort those close to you."

Slumping down in his seat, Eren Jaeger swallowed thickly, feeling his ears burning just as brightly as his face. He never thought about such things – his focus was on killing titans – all of them. Why did he have to sit here and listen to this? When he risked looking around the room, moving only his eyes so as to be discreet, he was more than a little relieved to see that everyone else looked just as uncomfortable as he did. No one would look at each other – their eyes either on their hands on their desks, or staring straight ahead at the medical officer as she paced back and forth in front of the room. To say the room was tense would be an understatement.

"There are no rules against this," the officer went on. "While it is not necessarily encouraged," she paused, looking at each of them sternly in turn, "it is not forbidden. However, there _are_ some things you _have_ to consider if you choose to do this."

' _Is this really happening? Sex Ed? Please, kill me now,'_ Eren groaned in his head, scarcely suppressing an eye roll.

"Ladies," the medical officer barked, making every female in the room jump nervously. Eren couldn't help the small internal chuckle at seeing even the unflappable Mikasa Ackermann jerk nervously out of the corner of his eye. ' _So something can make even_ her _uneasy.'_ "While this responsibility should not fall solely on you, unfortunately it often does, and it would affect you the most. Now," she continued on. Eren tuned her out, having an idea where this was going thanks to his father's medical background.

Minutes passed that felt like hours and Eren found himself doodling with his finger on the desk in front of him. What did sex have to do with killing titans? He had faith in the training they were receiving, deep down he did, but this was nearly unbearable. He found his hands clenching into fists when the medical officer finally cleared her throat. "Now for the rest of you!" The entire class sat up straight once more, Eren included. "I don't want any of you to take any of this lightly," she cautioned. "And I'm not just talking about what we've discussed today. There is no shame in the feelings that come after your first meeting with a titan and nothing can truly prepare you for it." She leveled each of them with her eyes once more and Eren felt himself shrivel beneath her steely gaze. While she had said nothing of the sort, she had clearly seen her fair share of titans and felt her share of loss.

"Nothing we say can prepare you for the emotions you will feel after your first encounter with the loss of a friend or loved one," her voice was serious and low, her eyes meeting the long gazes of a few select cadets, her eyes much softer. "So take solace where you can in your friends and in each other. _Trust_ each other. You will need each other more than you will ever know." Eren felt like her eyes were burning into him but he refused to look away. "Find _healthy_ ways to distract your mind, things that bring you peace and make you happy." She smiled as she said this, light entering her eyes that was rarely seen anymore. " _That_ is how you can truly survive this."

Commandant Chavez stepped forward from his position leaning against the wall then, while the medical officer stepped back, her cheeks peppered with pink, but the soft smile still on her face. "Any questions?" he gruffly asked.

The cadets were dumbfounded; several had their mouths hanging open. Maybe if the medical officer had asked, someone _might_ have had the nerve to ask a question, but as it was, they simply sat in numb silence. "Do _not_ take this talk as an excuse to fornicate!" he shouted, again causing the entire class to jump and turn beet red. "Now back to your bunks!"

"What the hell was that all about?" Eren grumbled once he, Armin, and Mikasa were headed back to the dorms. The other cadets were similarly quiet.

"It was very informative," Armin answered, his eyes distant.

Eren looked at him, stunned, and turned to Mikasa as though expecting help from her. She quickly averted her eyes, pulling her scarf up to cover her mouth. ' _Well, damn,'_ he cursed inwardly.

* * *

That day felt like years ago. And it was. Eren had scarcely given it a second thought except for the rare occasion he'd hear some of the guys talking about this or that, or seen a couple sneaking off into the darkness. He supposed what the medical officer had said _was_ true. There had always been a certain sense of elation that came from successfully completing a particularly difficult or dangerous exercise (especially the dangerous ones, although Mikasa would kill him for admitting it). At other times, he could see the appeal of drowning the sights and sounds of most of their days with titans from their minds with much nicer, more pleasant things. It was nearly impossible to find a single scout that didn't occasionally have a blank, far off look on their face from time to time – that look that made them look dead inside as they relived some horror from their past. Many scouts suffered from nightmares or insomnia, none of which was a surprise. He supposed he was lucky – in truth, he had less time in the field than the others and when he was in titan form, he remembered nothing but a crimson fog of violent rage. But that wasn't what he had wanted. He had wanted to be there, fighting alongside his fellow recruits, and able to join them in both their victories and their sorrows. Now, after Trost, more than one person had looked at him like he was a monster that would tear them apart as soon as look at them. Once Armin quietly told him some of what he had said when waking up after being a titan, he honestly couldn't blame them.

Regardless, he never really had time to think about it. From the day of their first encounter with the titans as cadets at Trost, the day his titan ability had been awakened, his life had been immediately put in danger. And as Commander Erwin pointed out, the threat was not from titans alone. Even after he sealed up the hole in the gate, more people wanted him dead than alive. On top of that, he was dealing with the life-shattering realization that he could transform into a titan in the first place – and a titan that didn't necessarily have control if the gash on Mikasa's face meant anything. That fact scared him more than anything.

That night, memories of what he had seen that day came crashing down on him – flashes of the broken bodies of his squad, the corpses in the titan that had swallowed him, the _look_ on the faces of those he had trusted and who had trusted him as they died following him. He imagined what he must have done in his attempt to kill Mikasa – Mikasa, who was one of his closest friends. It all left him feeling broken and empty.

It was like reliving the loss of his mother all over again; perhaps even worse, because now he was one of the things he hated the most, and this time Mikasa wasn't there to soothe his shattered soul. No matter how he tried to fight it, she was the one who could calm him when no one else could, even if she did have to resort to harsh words and occasionally actions in order to do so. He had saved her that fateful night when they were 9 years old, bringing them together in a way that only blood could, and she had since become a permanent fixture in his life – a permanent, deeply rooted, unfaltering, aggravating, infuriating, soothing fixture. Once the shock of what happened to her and her parents had slowly worn away, she had vowed to become strong, and they had grown together. When his own world had been shattered after witnessing his mother being eaten before his eyes, creating the deep-rooted seething hatred and burning desire for vengeance that brought them to their current position, she had immediately vowed to follow him, refusing any and all of his attempts to sway her otherwise. So follow him she had. In fact she surpassed him…

It was in that moment that he lay, quiet and broken in the dungeon, his arms shackled to the bed, that he grudgingly realized how much she meant to him, how much he needed her despite his adamant declarations to the contrary. But he saw that need as a weakness and a distraction rather than a benefit and as he faced his inner demons alone in the cell, he vowed to lock that up inside of himself.

And lock it up he did, lashing out at her with harsh words (even more so than before) when he felt smothered, seeing her overprotectiveness as a result of his weakness. After his titan's loss of control at Trost, only Erwin's plans for him and Levi's courtroom beating had saved him from sure execution, earning him a spot on the Scout Special Operation (or the Levi) Squad. He lived under lock and key, under constant supervision by Captain Levi at the old former Squad Regiment Command Center. Life returned to what semblance of normalcy being relinquished to the custody of the Levi Squad could allow.

He supposed it could have been worse. Several of his comrades from the Cadet Corps joined him there not long after, including Mikasa and Armin. Hanji helped him come to understand his abilities to some degree and he felt like he was garnering at least _some_ control over it, even though she also used him as a guinea pig as often as she could in exchange. Armin continued to prove his strategic value to the higher ups in command – his way with words and his ability to gather intelligence, read the situation, and come up with plans as well as alternatives quickly made him an even more valuable asset. Mikasa was already considered to be worth more than 100 soldiers.

They were well on their way to organizing the next offensive outside of Wall Rose, moving toward Wall Maria and most importantly, Shiganshina. But still, their lives were permanently hanging in the balance. Eren's "freedom" could be revoked at any time and the relative safety of the castle was just that – relative. This meant there was no time for distractions, no time to relax or let up. They had to continue training, had to continue trying to get stronger and better, and had to always be prepared.

So when the new recruits were in the yard exercising one morning and Eren saw Jean leering at Mikasa, his eyes narrowed dangerously. Anger flooded through him like a hot fire so quickly he leapt to his feet and took a step forward before he even knew what he was doing. "What do you think you're doing, Horse Face?!" he suddenly shouted across the training yard.

As always, Mikasa turned at the sound of Eren's voice. She was running laps, her jacket and ODM gear off to allow for ease of movement. Despite the slight chill, her sleeves were rolled up, the sun shining in her jet-black hair. Jean was doing pull ups on the bar not far from her, sweat glistening on his face while Eren had been doing push ups with Reiner, Bertholdt, and Conny across the yard. Upon seeing Jean's eyes on Mikasa, he had jumped to his feet. The others had quickly followed, wisely sensing trouble. If they hadn't already spent months with the more seasoned scouts, Eren would have been surrounded by blades at such a sudden outburst. Now they hardly flinched.

"It's none of your business, you suicidal maniac!" Jean shouted back, dropping from the bar with ease.

Mikasa slowed her pace to a trot, eying the two hot heads carefully before coming to a stop. Jean and Eren fought often, many times over nothing in particular. She shouldn't have been surprised when it didn't stop once they were out of the cadet corps. But the way Eren had his shoulders hunched told her this time was different. His eyes flashed in rage that she couldn't even begin to understand. She would have been shocked to know that he didn't either.

"Don't look at her like that!" Eren suddenly blurted, his mouth falling open in shock at his own words.

The entire yard grew still, mouths falling open, eyes growing wide. All eyes were on Eren and Jean, switching rapidly between the two before searching out whom Eren could be talking about. It didn't take long for anyone to figure it out, their eyes quickly turning to Mikasa, who took a surprised step back with an uncharacteristic gasp. "E-Eren?" she breathed, her voice muffled by the crimson scarf she always wore.

Jean took several threatening steps forward. He was taller and heavier than Eren, but Eren was fiercer and had proved it on more than one occasion. "What's it matter to you, how I look at her?" he snarled, his voice low and dangerous so that only the two of them could hear.

Eren was caught. He had no reason to say anything. Mikasa was his friend, his closest and best friend next to Armin, but that was it. Did that mean he wanted someone like Jean pawing all over her or even _thinking_ about pawing all over her? Absolutely not! But did that give him a right to say anything? No. Sometimes he found it hard to remember Mikasa even _was_ a girl, she was so much of a deadly weapon in his eyes and only rarely did she let that visage slip and show her more feminine self. Even so, he knew that only happened around him.

He could feel her eyes on him and his ears grew hot. ' _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!'_ He wanted to look at her, figure out from her expression what he should say, but the whole topic of conversation made that impossible. ' _How did this even happen? What the hell was I thinking?'_

"You going to answer me?" Jean threatened, stepping closer. His hands were clenching into fists.

Immediately dropping into a defensive crouch, Eren's own fists clenched tighter. He could take Jean and he knew it. He also knew that Jean knew. "Mikasa isn't interested in you," he finally answered, keeping his voice low so only Jean could hear. "Leave her alone."

Jean laughed, the sound harsh and short. "Why? You think she's interested in you?"

The idea struck him as so odd, so sudden, that Eren's mouth fell open. ' _What? Why would she be interested in me?'_ Jean used Eren's surprise to his advantage and pounced, catching Eren with a surprise fist in the face. He hit him full force in the chin, rocking Eren back on his heels and nearly knocking him off of his feet. But the smaller man was used to taking a beating, and he merely took a step back to regain his balance before retaliating. He lunged forward off of his front leg, ducking low for a body blow that bent Jean over. With his other hand, Eren continued Jean's own forward momentum, throwing his head and shoulders forward while kicking his legs out from under him. The larger boy was forcibly thrown forward, flipping over and landing hard on his shoulders and back with a grunt, nearly kneeing himself in the face. It was very similar to how Eren had taken him out in the mess hall during training, one of Annie's moves. Back then, Eren would have left it at that, walking away while Jean glared up at him through his legs, but not today. His lips pulled back in a tight grimace, Eren shoved his legs out of the way and reached down, grabbing Jean's shirt in one fist and leaning forward with the other pulled back as though he meant to pummel him. "Don't be ridiculous!" he hissed.

"Eren!" Mikasa cried shortly.

Eren didn't so much as flinch, but he also didn't let Jean go. Beneath him, Jean was breathing heavily but also couldn't let up. Not when Eren had started it and not where Mikasa was concerned. It wasn't in his nature any more than it was in Eren's. He smiled at Eren's lack of control, the way the titan transformer's teal eyes flared. "That mean _you're_ interested then?"

"Shut up!" Eren bellowed, his fist flying and connecting with the ground beside Jean's head. He was afraid of killing him if he hit him. Jean's flinch satisfied his thirst for violence, some. "Just leave her alone!" he threatened once more, before shoving Jean back to the ground with such force he grunted as the wind rushed from his lungs and left him gasping for air.

His hands shaking with rage, Eren stepped over his beaten comrade and made his way from the training yard as quickly as he could, disappearing into the small cluster of trees inside the castle walls. Not only did he not want Levi to see what had just occurred (although he was sure the captain would find out one way or another), he didn't want to deal with the resounding questions that were sure to follow. He had enough to deal with trying to sort out what Jean was trying to say. ' _Mikasa? Interested in me? Me? Interested in Mikasa? Is he nuts?!'_ His thoughts were in turmoil. He knew he wasn't good at reading people. He never had much use for it and never cared much to try. But sometimes it infuriated him how easily Armin picked up on things he completely missed, or how easily Mikasa could read a room full of people and somehow understand their feelings, even if she rarely showed them herself. He saw the others finding comfort in each other, sometimes _physically,_ but he just wasn't interested. He didn't need comfort when he desired vengeance. He could relax when all the titans were dead. He didn't understand any of it.

The more he brooded, the more lost in thought he became. ' _Why did I fly off the handle like that?'_ Normally his reasons for anger didn't bother him – he had a short fuse and he always had, he'd come to terms with it long ago and those closest to him had come to accept it as a part of him. But this rage had been different, and he looked at the back of his bruised and bleeding knuckles that were already steaming as they healed. _'Is this anger from my titan ability?'_

"Eren." It was Mikasa's voice and he flinched.

"What do you want?" he snapped without looking at her.

"Are you all right?"

He sighed at the softness in her voice. She was concerned, even he could sense that, but that was what she always was – concerned – about him. It could be so damn _annoying!_ But why, of all times, did she have to follow him when he was still so confused? He couldn't answer _himself_ let alone her. "I'm fine," he answered shortly, finally coming to stop next to a large tree. He rested his fist against it, still not looking at her. Blood trickled down his forearm but he ignored it.

Mikasa approached slowly but cautiously. She stood beside him without looking at him directly; treating him like a wild animal, which many of their fellow recruits would agree was how he acted. Levi and Hanji had managed to tame him some, but you never could take the wild out of the beast and this was a technique that had worked well for her over the years. "You don't seem fine," she pointed out, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. She was playing with her scarf again. She did that a lot.

Eren sucked in a deep breath, enjoying the musty scent of the trees and the crisp _fresh_ air they were blessed with this far out from the city. Growing up in Shiganshina had sometimes felt cramped, but then struggling as a refugee inside Wall Rose and Trost had been worse. He had never had much of an opportunity to experience fresh air such as this. Even when they took to the trees as cadets it had been different – they were too focused on training to really enjoy themselves. But now that they were a part of the scouts, they spent more time outside of these small outlying districts and more time in the wild lands that still existed behind Wall Rose. This meant they were that much closer to reclaiming the wall and taking back what was lost!

His thoughts had gotten away from him again and he sighed. "Nah," he shrugged, gently hitting the side of his fist against the trunk of the tree as he attempted to force his mind to stay on track. "I guess I'm just restless." He finally looked at her with a half-smile, shrugging his shoulders as though the recent lack of action was a perfect excuse for his recent indiscretion.

Finally looking at him now that he had turned to her, Mikasa pulled the scarf up to cover her mouth. The wind blew her hair gently back from her face, exposing the scar present on her right cheek, the ever-present reminder of the time Eren lost control and nearly killed her. Every time he saw it a sharp pain hit him in the gut and he had to look away, the guilt almost too much to bear. This time, he forced himself to look at it, his brow furrowing into a scowl as he looked at the small linear line marring her otherwise flawless complexion. ' _W-Why did I have a thought like that?'_ He startled, pulling his eyes from her face and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He could feel his cheeks growing warm, feeling like he had been looking at her too long, and prayed she couldn't see it.

"It has been quiet recently," Mikasa agreed, her own eyes narrowing as she scrutinized his expression. "It makes everyone restless."

"Some more than others," he offered, partially as a joke.

"Eren," Mikasa murmured, gripping his arm softly to get his attention.

For perhaps the first time in his life, Eren was aware of how _small_ Mikasa's hands were as she gripped him. She was strong, stronger than most, but her hands were small and even surprisingly soft despite the callouses from wielding her blades. Her hair, which she had cut after he harshly suggested it all those years ago, just brushed the tops of her shoulders. Her eyes, which were just one of the features that set her apart, were more angled than the others, the irises a deep gray that was nearly black and yet blue at the same time. She had a way of seeing _into_ him, like she could see his soul just by looking at him. While sometimes he found this extremely comforting, sometimes he found it unnerving as well. This was one of those times. ' _Uh,'_ his brain struggled to function as he looked at her. "What do you want, Mikasa?" he asked, his voice slightly harsh.

She shifted, squeezing his arm more firmly for a moment and sliding her hands further up onto his bicep. "I wanted to say thank you."

"Thank me for what? I would think out of everyone, you would be the _last_ person to need someone to defend your honor."

Mikasa looked up at him with wide eyes that were filled with surprise and perhaps a little sadness. She pursed her lips before she looked down. "Maybe," she admitted, "But I still appreciate the gesture."

' _Gesture? What_ gesture?' Confused, Eren pulled his arm from her grasp, not unkindly, but quickly. Whatever Jean was talking about wasn't going to happen. It couldn't. Until it did.


	2. Need

_A/N: Slight AU in which more time elapses from the first incident at Trost and the 57_ _th_ _Recon Mission._

 _I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters. All rights belong to Hajime Isayama._

 ** _Warning:_** _Contains lemons_

They had just returned from bringing down Annie. While he hadn't been able to kill her or bring her in quite as they hoped, at least she was in custody and there was a _chance_ that some good could come from it. That didn't help ease the pain from the losses they suffered in the days leading to her capture, didn't help ease the torment that had come from thinking those closest to him were about to die because of his actions or lack thereof, and it didn't help ease the hurt they all experienced from her betrayal.

Due to his actions during the ploy to lure Annie out in Stohess and the damage and loss of life that ensued, the scouts were ordered to put him back under lock and key, only now at all times until Erwin could sort things out. Levi told him to look at the bright side – at least they hadn't insisted he still come in (which could possibly lead to an execution), at least not yet. So while the higher ups once again decided his fate, Eren was once again left alone to deal with the aftermath of what had happened.

He had changed into clean clothes since the fight, his titan ability healing the worst of his wounds, but even as he worked, he couldn't turn his mind off. He couldn't tune out the _sounds_. The sounds of scouts screaming, the sounds of their bones breaking, the sick wet sound of bodies being ripped open by titan teeth or titan hands. He saw his squad – Levi's elite members – being broken before his eyes, saw Mikasa's accusing eyes when he hadn't been able to transform underground. He could still _feel_ his own teeth biting into his flesh, pleading for anything to happen, crying for the power to save his friends, but not being able to. He couldn't erase the image of Mikasa and Armin splitting up, running in opposite directions in order to lure Annie away from him, and he could still feel the sheer panic that gripped him thinking one of them might die. He had felt such fear – he had been such a coward! Some part of him had been unwilling to admit that _Annie_ could be such a monster. And if she was, how could he defeat such a blind murderer? She took out an entire wing of their formation without a second thought! She didn't care who she hurt while he wanted to make sure no one else died. How could he compete with that?! It was Armin who had finally broken through to him, broken through his doubts and his pain – telling him what he had to do. _"To rise above monsters we have to abandon our humanity."_ So he did.

When he dropped the now dirty rag back into the bowl of water, Eren's hands were shaking, and he slumped onto the bed with a heavy sigh, squeezing his eyes shut.

Closing his eyes only brightened the images. Now he could _see_ Petra, Eld, Gunta, and Odowo biting themselves as a show of apology for pulling their swords on him when he accidentally transformed shortly after coming to the castle – this _had_ been one of his fondest memories until the tragedy that fell upon them on the recon mission. He saw that bite mark on Petra's hand when she asked him again to trust them, as they had decided to trust him, and _not_ transform when Annie was chasing them. He saw each of them in gruesome detail, those who risked their lives for him, their lives snuffed out in an instant by a monster; a monster that he just tried, in effect, to save. He felt… _horrible._ Why would he try to save someone like Annie? Why would he put her life above the lives of those closest to him? He saw the looks the others gave him and couldn't blame them for their hatred – part of him hated himself. He had _wanted_ to kill Annie, but he also wanted to save her because they were the same, weren't they? But still, how could he _do that?_ How could he put Armin and _Mikasa's_ lives at risk like that?! Before he knew it, he had buried his face into his hands; pressing the heels of his hands so hard against his eyes it hurt, groaning against the pain in his mind and his chest.

"Eren," a voice called to him from the darkness, and he wanted to believe it was there, but it wasn't possible. "Eren," it came again when he didn't move. This time the voice was accompanied by a gentle touch on his shoulder.

He knew that voice, of course he did. He knew that touch, had felt it hundreds if not thousands of times before. So why did the gentle touch of her hand on his shoulder suddenly not feel like enough? Panic gripped him at the thought and he froze, the heels of his hands still pressing into his eyes, although not as fiercely.

She didn't need him to speak; she never did because he so rarely did when it truly mattered. When he froze beneath her hands, she fell to her knees on the bed beside him, her arms slipping around his shoulders and pulling him into her warm embrace. He came against her stiffly, almost unwillingly, but she wouldn't let him move away as one hand wrapped around the back of his head, holding him against her chest, and the other wrapped firmly around his shoulders.

Eren sighed as Mikasa's strong arms surrounded him. This was their ritual, their way to chase the demons away. One of them broke, and the other one would hold them until they pieced themselves back together. At least that's how it had been for them years ago; they hadn't done this in a long time... When her fingers moved into his hair, his hands fell down his face, his eyes still closed as his breath exhaled against his palms. "How did you get in here?" he asked softly, his voice muffled.

She continued to run her fingers through his hair. "You really think some guards are going to stop me?"

His hands slipped from his face to fall in his lap, her grip on his shoulders tightening. He could hear her heart pounding against his ear and the rapid pace made his own speed up. "No."

"They are ridiculous for locking you up in the first place. You're _not_ dangerous!" she harshly defended him, even though she kept her voice low.

' _That's debatable.'_ "Can we not talk about that right now?"

"Sorry." As though moving on their own, his arms slowly slipped around her waist, turning the rest of him so he was more directly facing her as he returned her embrace. His head remained on her chest, as she continued to run her fingers through his hair. When his arms gripped her, he could hear the way her heart rate increased and feel her sharp intake of breath.

' _Why is she doing that?'_ he asked himself. "Why are you here, Mikasa?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle. He _was_ glad she was there.

She stopped playing with his hair, her body shifting in the slightest as her cheek came down to rest on the top of his head. "I didn't think you should be alone." He scowled and she resumed running her fingers through his hair. "After a day like today," she added, "I don't think anyone should be alone."

Not for the first time, he had to remind himself that Mikasa was a living, breathing human being just like everyone else. If he's having a hard time with what he's been through, he can only imagine that she must be as well. "Mikasa," he breathed, turning his face but not sure why. His breath caught in his throat at the sudden scent of her lavender soap clouding his senses, the gentle swell of her chest just below his chin, but her scarf was in his way. Without thinking, he pulled it loose, his gentle tug on the worn fabric making her stiffen in his arms. When the scarf came loose from her neck, now just draping over her shoulders, he sighed at the sight of the pulse of her heart just visible beneath her skin. She had a few scratches from the falling rocks in the tunnel, but she was overall clean and healthy. He had never felt more relieved. Still, those few scratches drew his attention and his fingers grazed over them, making Mikasa sigh and relax in his arms. Before he realized he was doing it, his mouth was moving closer to her neck.

"Eren," she murmured, stiffening at the feel of his hot breath on his skin.

"Mika," he breathed, one hand moving to the other side of her neck. His heart was racing as something deep in his belly burned. "I'm so glad you're here," he muttered, so quiet his voice was barely audible, before pressing his lips gently to a scratch along the right side of her neck.

Mikasa's breath caught in her throat and her fingers curled in his hair when his lips touched her skin. "Ere!" she cried out quietly in shock as she jumped, too surprised to even finish his name. Even so, a shiver worked its way down her spine and a smile brushed her lips when he moved to kiss another small abrasion.

Not at all sure what he was doing or what had come over him, Eren gently turned her head to the other side, finding another scratch to kiss on the left side of her neck before he ran out of them. _'Shit. Now what do I do?'_ His hands were still gently cupping either side of her neck, feeling how truly slender and fragile her neck was – perhaps the only thing fragile about her. While he had loosened the scarf she always wore, he hadn't taken it off, knowing she would hate that, and for once something in that knowledge made him burn even more – it was the scarf he gave her, after all. Her fingers were still coiled in his hair but weren't pulling him away, so he did what instinct told him to do and pressed a kiss on virgin, unmarked skin higher up on her neck at the corner of her jaw.

When Mikasa shivered beneath him, Eren slid his hands to the back of her neck, finally realizing where he was intending to go, at least for the moment. She showed no sign of stopping him, and in fact the arm looped around his shoulders was actually squeezing him tighter, so when he finally kissed his way to the corner of her mouth, he only hesitated for a moment before pressing his lips against hers.

The kiss was chaste and gentle for a moment; Eren pulling back nearly as quickly as it began to make sure it was okay. For the first time since he started touching her, he looked in her eyes, bewildered at the sudden change between them. Her deep gray eyes were hooded and dark when she looked at him, but there was something in them he hadn't seen before. He had a feeling she was seeing the same in his. With an unspoken consent, he pulled her back to him for another kiss, this one not chaste and not as gentle, his lips only closed for a moment before he parted them, Mikasa's opening immediately beneath his. He dipped his tongue to hers shyly at first, then more boldly when she carefully started to return the kiss. As their kiss deepened, quickly growing rough in their passion, Mikasa melted into his arms, pressing herself against him in a way he never would have imagined.

The two were no longer thinking of anything but the person in front of them, and even then it was only what was in the moment – smoldering desire and wanton need. It didn't take long before Mikasa slipped her hand up the inside of Eren's shirt, tugging it up over his head while he pulled the scarf free from her neck and worked at the buttons of her top. It was taking him longer than he wanted and he had to restrain himself from ripping it free when he saw the bandages binding her chest down and padding her from the ODM gear that all the women wore. He paused, making her pull back from where her lips were toying with his ear. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

Mikasa looked at him in exasperation before brushing her hair back from her face. It was one of those little feminine movements she rarely did except when in his presence and he found himself wanting to see it more often. Rather than answer him with words immediately, she finished wiggling her shoulders free from her shirt, making Eren's gaze drop, and reached behind her to work on the bandages. "Yes," she answered finally.

Eren's breath hitched as bright and hungry teal eyes darted up to hers. She smiled as she tugged on her binding and it quickly unwound around her, falling to a heap around her hips. Before Eren could react, she gripped the back of his head, pulling him with her as she lay down. He lay to the side of her, partially covering her body with his. His lips found hers again, and this time, his bare chest pressed against hers, the contact pleasantly sinful as she arched her back into him. Her hands traveled over the muscles of his back, dragging her short nails along his skin and down his arms until he finally moved, sliding one hand up her toned stomach to cup her breast.

Mikasa sighed into their kiss when he finally touched her flesh, her hips rolling on their own as he deepened their kiss at her reaction. When he squeezed her breast gently, marveling at what may be the only soft part of Mikasa's body, he groaned before breaking off the kiss and dropping his mouth to the soft skin. The moment his hot mouth closed around her already taut nipple, Mikasa let out a soft sigh, her fingers gripping his hair once more. Tingling sensations traveled throughout her limbs and only intensified when his other hand moved to her other breast and she rolled, something in her telling her she wanted more.

In her squirming, Mikasa brushed against something very hard between Eren's legs that she had never experienced before. When he grunted softly at the contact, she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow until he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry," he muttered, his cheeks darkening.

Eyes widening and mouth falling open in shock, Mikasa smiled – a rare occurrence for her.

"We can stop," Eren murmured, pulling away. "I don't have," he started.

Mikasa stopped him with a finger to his lips. With her other hand, she hooked her fingers over the top of his pants to keep him from moving. "I don't want to stop."

"But Mikasa, I don't," she still wouldn't let him finish as she pulled her finger away from his lips and started on his pants.

"I don't care."

"But-"

"Shut up, Eren." Her eyes were serious when she looked up at him, her voice firm but not harsh. She had succeeded in undoing his pants and now slid her hand inside, instantly finding the hardness that she had brushed against a moment before. The moment she brushed against him, Eren gasped. When she gripped him, even through his underwear, he trembled, dropping his head against her shoulder. "Unless you don't want to."

He shook. That was definitely _not_ the problem. She understood this and gently slipped her hand inside, touching him for the first time. "Mika," he breathed as her hand gently started moving.

Not having a clue what she was doing, Mikasa's cheeks burned red to hear Eren whisper her name with such feeling. The way he twitched in her hand, she could only assume she was doing something right – she had nothing to really base it off of. She was as ignorant of the ways of men as Eren was of the ways of women. She only knew that hearing him make pleased sounds made her only want more, and she had only the vaguest idea of what she was in store for – using knowledge garnered from the tales of their fellow scouts, just like Eren.

Mikasa scarcely did anything before Eren's lips _claimed_ hers, nearly bruising in their intensity as his hand suddenly slid from her breast to her pants. He could not get inside them fast enough, undoing the button and zipper one-handed with remarkable ease, before sliding down on top of her panties until he felt the warmth between her legs. She gasped at the sudden touch, her hand stilling on his shaft, but her legs spreading partly anyway. Eren's lips parted in a smile, even in their kiss, before he nipped her lower lip. Then he pulled his hand back just enough to slide down the inside of her panties this time. "Of course I want to," he breathed, dropping his head down to suck on her neck while he slowly reached the warm wetness between her thighs.

The gasp of surprise and pleasure that came from Mikasa the moment he touched her made his ego surge and his hips rock unconsciously. She squirmed, her hand coming off him to grip the sheets as her back arched. He brought his lips back to hers, gently slipping his tongue into her mouth right as he introduced a finger into her for the first time. The resulting moan into their kiss only made him harder. "What," Mikasa breathed when she had to break off the kiss.

Eren smiled against her neck, nipping her softly as he slowly slipped another finger inside of her, now moving both of them. She rolled her hips, matching his movements with ease as he picked up speed, watching her face as her eyes closed in ecstasy. He had never seen her in such light before, so vulnerable, even in such happy abandon. It made him only want to please her more as his fingers worked inside of her. She shuddered softly, her breath ragged in her throat as her eyes snapped open before she practically sat up, pulling on his pants in her sudden frenzy. "Now," she commanded.

Suppressing a chuckle, Eren gripped her pants and panties together and pulled them off in one swift tug. He then did the same with his own, coming to rest on his elbows between Mikasa's legs. She scarcely let him touch the bed before she was pulling him to her, her hands on his neck, her lips claiming his in a fiery kiss as her hips rolled up to meet him. He had to give her what she wanted as he found her, just rubbing against her at first until her eyes snapped open in irritation. Then he tilted his hips and she was suddenly open to him and he was suddenly slipping inside her, pressing forward into her tight walls. They both gasped, Eren struggling to keep himself from ravaging her, and Mikasa struggling to keep the pain in check as he slowly inserted his length.

"Eren!" Mikasa cried out in a hushed whisper as he stretched her, and he immediately stopped. They both knew it was supposed to hurt the first time, but he didn't _want_ to hurt her. She panted in his ear as she clung to his shoulders, and he stayed just where he was. "Don't stop," she whispered, her voice husky despite the pain.

"Are you sure?" he asked, wanting to look at her but afraid to move.

He felt her teeth at his shoulder and the burning in his gut only increased when he felt her nod gently. "Yes."

The moment he pressed forward once more, the sheer slick tightness of her making him groan, her teeth bit into his shoulder, which only increased his desire. Once he was fully buried inside her, he stopped, dropping his face to the hollow of her neck. Her teeth slowly came out of his shoulder as she relaxed, trembling. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

Mikasa was quiet a moment and he could feel her twitching and fidgeting beneath him. Then she did something he didn't expect. She rolled her hips, making both of them moan. "Don't," she did it again, "you… dare… apologize."

Taking her cue, Eren pulled back and gently thrust forward, covering her mouth with his to suppress their mutual cries. He tried to keep it slow, but couldn't; tried to remain gentle, but couldn't – neither of them wanted to. The sheer abandon to their love making set them both free in ways they could not have imagined, making their movements rougher than they would have otherwise. For once both of them forgot all about titans and the losses they had faced and would face in the future – they focused only on each other.

Eren knew their first time wouldn't take long, but he wanted it to, God he wanted it to! Mikasa clung to him, her hips reacting to meet his, her mouth uttering small cries of pleasure that matched his own and set his blood aflame. How have they not done this before?! She pulled one leg up, tightening herself around him even more and before Eren knew it, he felt as though he was about to see stars. "Mika!" he cried, his voice deep and guttural as he slammed into her.

"Eren!" she whispered, grabbing his cheeks and pulling his face down to kiss him.

That did it. He thrust into her as hard as he could, his entire body shaking as her kiss sent him over the edge. Beneath him, she clung to him, her entire being squeezing him as she all but screamed into their kiss while Eren grunted through their mutual orgasm. When he could breathe, he let out a shaky breath, slowly relaxing into her as he rested his head on her shoulder. He made a move to leave her, but she gripped him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders to keep him in place while her legs wrapped around his. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice muffled. She had been so loud!

"I'm fine," she answered, her voice soft and wistful. She slowly released her hold, her fingers trailing gently along his back and sides, idly tickling as their breathing and heart rates slowed. His eyes closed at her tender touch and he shivered when she brought goose bumps to his skin. Even after what they had just done, she had never touched him so tenderly before. Minutes passed, and Eren's arms began to shake from holding himself up. "You're not going to hurt me, Eren."

With a sigh, he relaxed, easing his weight fully onto her. Her hips were still opened to him, and they were still entwined together, his arms looped under her shoulders, but now that the moment was over, he was beginning to panic. _'What did we just do?!'_

They were startled out of their moment of silence by sounds in the hallway. "Shit," Eren cursed, immediately rolling off of her and searching for their clothes.

Her cheeks turning red, Mikasa's eyes darted to the door as she tried to do her bindings, but her hands were shaking. "Here," Eren offered as he pulled his pants up. She looked at him in surprise, but turned her back to him while he helped straighten the bindings in the back.

"Thank you."

He turned, ironically giving her privacy while she finished getting dressed, and threw his shirt back on. "Eren," she began, getting him to turn back to her as she looped the scarf back around her neck. Neither of them could see the mark he accidentally left.

His eyes were startled and wide when he looked at her, the teal depths wavering just as much as hers were. Neither of them had expected what had just happened, and now neither of them knew how to handle it as reality slowly crashed back down on them. "Mikasa," he likewise started, hoping he could come up with something to fill the sudden awkward silence. He couldn't.

"It had to have been _her!_ Where is she?!" a guard bellowed from the hall.

Eren cringed and he reached for her hand. "You better get out of here."

Mikasa's fingers gently curled around his, her cheeks darkening as she dropped her eyes. "I," she breathed, biting her lower lip out of embarrassment.

Tugging on her hand, Eren pulled her into his arms. His arms wrapped around her much as hers had wrapped around him, and he held her there, one hand gently pressing on the back of her head while the other looped around her lower back. It was more of an intimate hug than they normally shared, and that significance was not lost on either of them as Mikasa balled his shirt up in her fists. "It's not that I want you to go," he whispered, allaying her fears without realizing it. "I don't want you to get in any trouble. Now go before they find you."

Without looking at him, Mikasa nodded against his chest and pushed herself away. She pulled the scarf up over her mouth as a part of her second nature and soundlessly opened the door. She only looked back at him just before disappearing into the hallway, her lips turning up into a soft smile before she was gone.


	3. What Comes Next

"Where is she?!"

Eren obediently retreated to the edge of the bed and sat down, his hands clearly visible in front of him at all times. "Who are you talking about?" he asked.

"Don't play dumb. We know she was in here – that friend of yours, the scary one. Mikasa Ackerman."

Eren narrowed his eyes. Part of the condition to remain with the scouts was that garrison guards had to be left to guard him, not scouts. Apparently they no longer trusted the scouts to treat him like the villain they saw him as. Armin told him they had even debated bringing out military police, but they didn't want to pull too many resources from inside Wall Sina. Although Mikasa could have gotten by regardless, that had no doubt made it easier for her. He only saw it as more reason to see humans as potential enemies just as much as titans. "She wasn't here," he grumbled.

One of the guards took a menacing step forward. He was big, as tall as Bertholdt and as built as Reiner, but Eren saw fear in his eyes. _'He's probably never even seen a titan until Annie and I tore up Stohess,'_ he thought sardonically.

"You're lying," the brawny guard spat.

" _I know how you feel about this, Eren. I probably feel worse about it than you do," Commander Erwin had told him, his face drawn, as he stood tall behind Captain Levi._

" _I doubt that, Sir."_

 _Levi answered him, his face tight. "That may be, but regardless. You_ cannot _let these men bait you in any way. Let them draw out your anger and they win. This is no different than the beating you received in the courtroom after Trost. In fact, this is even more serious." Levi had been in his face, darkness surrounding him. "Tell me you understand what I'm saying."_

" _I understand what you're saying." His voice had sounded bland, even to his own ears._

" _And tell me you're going to behave."_

 _Eren had rolled his eyes. "I'm going to behave."_

" _Fine." Levi had finally stepped back, satisfied. "Hanji is in command while we're gone. Try not to get killed."_

 _Eren had waited until he heard the lock turn in the door, imprisoned once again. "You too, Sir."_

Levi's words echoed in his mind now. He could not let these men bait him into anger, no matter what they said and no matter who they were talking about. "With all due respect, Sir. I've been locked in here ever since I returned from the infirmary. No one other than Captain Levi, Section Commander Hanji, and Commander Erwin has been to see me." He hesitated before adding, "But I thought that visiting me wasn't against the rules."

The two men looked at each other, their eyes flashing in the dim light cast by his lamp. "It's not," they grudgingly admitted.

"So if she _had_ visited me, then what's the problem?"

Eyes narrowed and a fist flew. Eren let it hit him even though he saw it coming, taking the strike and falling back onto the bed with a grunt. He could take it so long as Mikasa didn't get in trouble. "Shut your mouth!" the burly guard yelled.

"Don't anger him!"

"I don't give a fuck! He can't talk to us like that!"

"Are you kidding?! He's a fucking _titan_!"

Eren bristled at the word but refused to show any sign of a reaction.

"Is there a problem?" Hanji's voice suddenly came from the door, her glasses flashing from between the bars.

"No," the guards quickly answered, moving away from Eren and leaving the room. "We're watching you, _Titan Trash._ "

Eren stayed where he was, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling while the blood ran down his chin. He didn't bother wiping it off. He could still smell Mikasa on the bed, and her scent was what was calming him. He could still feel her warmth seeping into his back, and the memory of her beneath him made his stomach clench and yet flutter at the same time. The fact that they were looking for her meant she got clear in time. What had she done to get in in the first place? She'd never answered him, not that he'd persistently asked…

"Eren," Hanji repeated from the doorway. He had no idea how many times she had called to him before he sat up, his face warming.

"Yeah? Sorry."

"You all right?"

Eren wiped the blood running from his lip and smiled, blood showing on his teeth before he spat. "Of course. Those guards have nothing on Captain Levi." His eyes flashed when he looked at her again. "But don't tell him I said that."

Hanji smiled, her glasses flashing. "Never." She was already heading down the hallway, her boot heels clicking when she added, "But he already knows that!"

* * *

"Mikasa? Where have you been?" Armin asked the moment Mikasa slipped into the mess hall. His inquisitive bright blue eyes narrowed at her appearance, taking in the soft flush to her cheeks, the ruffled appearance of her shirt, and the slight messiness of her hair. "How's Eren?" he refined his question a moment later with a brilliant smile, biting into a piece of bread.

Mikasa had still been hiding part of her face with her scarf, and now she pulled it up even higher, her face darkening even more, and her eyes dropping to the side. "Eren is fine," she answered softly. She could lie to anyone for Eren's sake, anyone but Armin. Eren would understand because he felt the same way.

Armin could scarcely suppress a giggle. "I'm sure he feels even better now!"

Her eyes narrowing dangerously, Mikasa's eyes darted to see who might hear them. "Keep your voice down!" she hushed.

"Easy! Easy!" he surrendered, holding his hands up defensively. "You know I mean nothing by it." He smiled again and offered her some of his food. She had missed dinner. "Besides, you know I'm happy for you." He waited until she took the food from him. "What happened?"

Her eyes lowering again, Mikasa picked at the bread in her hands, pulling her scarf down so she could eat. It was loose around her neck and gaped, exposing her marked skin. Armin's surprised gasp brought her dark eyes back up. "What?"

"Your neck," he whispered, pointing with his eyes. "You better not take that scarf off for a few days."

Mikasa's hand touched where Armin indicated from the outside of the scarf. She experienced no pain but warmth spread through her chest when she remembered Eren sucking passionately on her skin. Her cheeks instantly darkened as more memories flooded her and her eyes closed, her stomach fluttering. "Do I… have a mark on me?" she asked, keeping her voice low.

Armin swallowed. "You could say so."

Mikasa pulled the scarf so that it was snug against her skin before returning to picking at the bread. "You remember what they said. It's not against the rules."

Bright azure eyes grew serious as Armin looked around the room. Several scouts still remained although most had moved on from dinner or not come at all. It felt weird to eat when so many had not returned home from the 57th Recon Mission, a mission that still felt like a failure with Annie's capture but apparent uselessness. "True, but everyone knows there's only one person you would let do that. And everyone also knows he's locked up, or is supposed to be. You want to get in trouble for breaking into his cell? Or for him to get in trouble for breaking out?"

"He did nothing of the sort," she retorted.

"You think they will really care enough to find out?"

She said nothing as she stared at the bread in her hand, no longer sure if she was even hungry. "It wasn't planned, Armin," she whispered, feeling like she had to say it.

"I never thought it was."

Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut, hating the thoughts running through her mind now that she had the clarity to allow herself to think them. What happened was something she had wanted, true, but it was also a desire she kept secret. No one knew of her innermost desires, least of all Eren. His focus and efforts were on killing titans and she would not be selfish and pull his attention from such a noble cause. She supposed she hadn't hid her true feelings well enough, considering several others had already insinuated or blatantly stated that they thought she loved him over the years – and Armin obviously knew. Yes, she had denied it because she wasn't even sure of her truest feelings herself. There had been no words of love spoken between them, not even any words to indicate there would be a change in their current relationship, so where did that leave them? Did what happened mean the same thing to him as it did to her? She had no way to tell. Eren didn't talk about such things and she wasn't about to ask him. With a groan, she dropped her head to her arms, crossing them on the table before her. It seemed like such a horrible time to be concerned with such silly matters of the heart, and she knew Eren would agree. Everything came second to the ultimate goal of killing all the titans. She knew that! And they had lost so much in such a short time…

"Mikasa," Armin softly interrupted, trying to bring her out of her melancholy reverie. She hid her emotions so well, from everyone, but he and Eren were the most skilled at seeing through them – they've known her the longest after all. That, and they were the chosen few she _allowed_ to see them, the few she let her walls down around.

"What?" she asked, her voice muffled since she refused to lift up her head.

"Just," he hesitated, suddenly unsure, and his cheeks darkened. "Please be careful, all right?"

Her eyes snapped to his at his choice of words and she scoffed. "Careful? Of course."

"Are you going to eat that?"

The two friends were so engrossed in their own conversation that Sasha's sudden appearance at Mikasa's side, her eyes on the small loaf of bread in Mikasa's hand, made them both jump. "What?" Mikasa asked, her eyes wide.

"Don't do that!" Armin shrieked, holding his chest as though he needed to recover from some horrid shock.

Sasha looked at them with light brown eyes and blinked. Her request was simple. "Are you going to eat that?" she asked again.

Mikasa's eyes fell to the bread in her hand and she groaned. She thought about teasing Sasha, like she had all those years before in training, but decided against it. "Here," she offered, handing it over.

"Oh, Mikasa, you are a goddess!" Sasha squealed, throwing her arms around the startled woman. "Thank you!"

Mikasa put her hands on Sasha's sides to set her back. "Good night, Sasha."

Armin opened his mouth to speak once Sasha left, then quickly shut it as once she was gone, Jean took her place. "Hey, Mikasa."

Scarcely suppressing an eye roll, Mikasa turned to look at the tall blonde. "Yes, Jean?"

"How are you holding up?" His eyes were dark and haunted, a look they all shared, but true concern lied within them.

Armin watched, his eyes wide from across the table. Jean had grown and changed since their first days in the cadet corps, they all had. Although he still fought with Eren every chance he got, he was strong and turning into a brilliant leader – he graduated in the top ten of their class for a reason. He felt a lot closer to him after their shared experiences on the recon mission and although he had complained, his double act had played a key role in their attempt to bring in Annie. His eyes cut to Mikasa, hoping she could at least let the guy down easy. Everyone knew how Jean felt about Mikasa, everyone except apparently the woman herself. Either that, or she chose not to acknowledge it, focusing all of her efforts and attention on the task at hand – and Eren. She surprised him.

"I'm fine, Jean. How are you?"

Jean scratched the back of his neck, clearly not expecting such an answer either. "To be honest I don't quite know how to feel." His voice was rough.

"I don't know that any of us do," Armin offered. The two across the table simply looked at him.

Jean surprised them all with his next words. "Hey, i-is Eren all right?" he stuttered. "I know everything with Annie went a little south…"

Mikasa's eyes momentarily widened at her surprise but she recovered quickly, her mind returning to Eren, so broken in his room. The memory made goose bumps break out on her arms and her heart ache in her chest. The events in Stohess didn't just go south, they turned into a disaster. "Eren will be fine," she answered noncommittally. "Just like we all will."

"I'll drink to that," Reiner interrupted, plopping down on the bench heavily next to Armin. "I think we've all earned some."

Bertholdt and Conny quickly joined them. Ymir, Christa, and Sasha joined a moment later. "We all have!" they exclaimed before downing heavy drinks that made several of them cough.

"What is this?" Christa cried, her eyes watering.

"I found it in the cellar. It's old," Conny admitted.

More drinks were poured and Armin took it upon himself to stand up, offering a toast. "Here's to lost friends, those whose deaths will not be in vain. And here's to finally having a weapon we can use to fight back against the titans!"

"Are you serious?! I'm not drinking to Eren!" Jean argued.

"Then don't," Mikasa quipped, downing her drink. Jean slowly turned red, beginning from his neck and moving to the crown of his head at her words and the easy way she downed her drink, but he quickly drank after her anyway.

"Should we take him some?" Christa asked.

"You really think those guards will let him have any?" Ymir quickly cautioned her. "We don't want _them_ finding out about our stash." She divvied out another round of drinks.

"Are they at least feeding him? I wouldn't put it past those guards to try and starve the guy." Conny said the words quickly and without thinking, but once they were uttered, a solemn quiet descended on the group. Mikasa was the only one who knew Eren had not been given any food, and while she _could_ admit as much without giving anything away, she also knew Eren would be upset if she were to butt in again.

"Is there even anything left to take him?" Reiner was the one to ask.

The collective looked towards the front of the mess hall, where they were given their rations. The fact that Mikasa hadn't been able to get anything did not bode well for Eren. "We'll just have to make sure he gets something tomorrow," Armin offered. "There's not much we can do about it now."

Talking about the guards and Eren brought their painful reality back to light, and the small group of cadets grew quiet and still. Eyes slowly turned blank and distant, developing that long stare characteristic of those reliving a traumatic event. It was Mikasa who broke the silence, not able to take it anymore, as she rose to her feet. "Thank you for the drink," she graciously said with a bow toward Reiner. "I'm going to bed." She didn't wait for the others to answer her, wouldn't have really heard them even if she had. The silence that had descended upon them weighed heavily on her as it spoke to the uncertainties they all still faced. Despite what had happened with Eren, she was now more confused about their relationship than ever before. She had made a promise to his mother, a vow to always have his back and protect him, even if it meant protecting him from himself. Walking to her room, she staggered and leaned against the wall as the events of the day and now night truly hit her. Yes, she had promised to protect him, but could she protect him from herself?

* * *

That night, as Mikasa lay awake on her bed, Eren lay awake on his. He had an arm beneath his head like a pillow, his other easily draped across his stomach as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling in the darkness. The bed still smelled of Mikasa, and if he closed his eyes, he could still feel her warmth. Those were the memories he was trying to cling to, the memories he wanted to come to mind when he closed his eyes, but they kept getting pushed out by the bad ones – by his memories of blood and gore and death. He found himself curling in on himself, pulling his limbs in until he was in a tight little ball, curled on his side with his face buried in his knees. _'I'm so weak,'_ he berated himself. Without Mikasa there to distract him and bring him from his nightmare, the reel in his mind continued to play the deaths of the Levi Squad, their demise made even worse by the fact that he had been so sure of their victory only moments before they were wiped out. _'Why couldn't I kill Annie when I had the chance?!'_ He groaned into his knees with his thoughts even as his teeth gnashed together out of anger.

"Eren," came a soft voice from the door. Eren pulled his face from his knees at the sound of the voice but didn't make a sound until the voice came again. "Eren?"

"Armin?" he whispered, rolling from the bed to pad over to the door. He had heard nothing but silence for hours.

"Are you all right?"

Eren swallowed and ran a hand down his face. The room was cast in heavy shadow, so Armin couldn't see him clearly, but he could feel the tension radiating from his friend. "I'm fine."

"Eren," Armin chastised him. He could hear the self-deprecation in Eren's voice.

"What do you want me to say, Armin?! That I feel great allowing Annie to live after she killed so many of our friends?! That I'm relieved she's not dead even though she's no use to us as she is? That I'm happy to be locked up again?!" Eren snapped, his voice rising in his anger.

The outburst wasn't a surprise to Armin and he didn't so much as flinch. "It's okay to be upset."

"Being upset about it doesn't help anyone," Eren grumbled, turning his back to the door and leaning heavily against it. "It's not going to bring any of them back and it's not going to bring Annie out of that damn crystal shell of hers either."

"Maybe not, but you don't need to carry the guilt. There are forces at work here far greater than any of us could have ever imagined. They took you too soon after Annie was captured, so you didn't see it. But there are titans in the wall, Eren. _Titans! In the walls!"_

Eren's head snapped up. "What?!"

"Commander Erwin already has teams looking into it. Annie weakened a part of the wall when she tried to escape and when it crumbled, it uncovered a titan within it! It doesn't appear to be moving or even interested in us, but they are keeping it covered just to be sure."

Eren's mind was racing. _'Why are there titans in the walls?!'_ "Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought some outside news might do you some good. Keep your mind busy."

Bending his knees, Eren slowly slid down the door, coming to rest sitting with his back pressed against it. He could faintly hear Armin do the same on the other side. "Thanks, Armin." Armin smiled, his eyes glancing down the empty corridor. For all their talk, the garrison guards wanted very little to do with Eren. "Hey, ha-have you seen Mikasa?"

A glint entered Armin's cerulean eyes at the concern in Eren's voice, concern that wasn't normally there. "I have. She came to the mess hall right after dinner." He hesitated, sensing Eren's relief through the door even though he stubbornly refused to say anything.

"Any word from Levi?" he asked after a moment of silence passed between the two friends.

Armin was disappointed in his friend for not asking more about Mikasa, but he should have known better than to expect so much. "Not yet. Given the gravity of the situation, it might take them some time. Hanji said she would be surprised if they even talked to them about it tonight. They might make them wait until tomorrow."

Eren's flare of anger was palpable. "Why must they waste so much time?!"

"There's nothing more to be done right now, Eren. Unless you're in a hurry to have them decide to execute you. Erwin and Levi need time to convince them of your value, only this time you aren't there for them to show how easily they can control you. And virtually everyone bore witness to what happened today… It's hard to make people think rationally through so much fear."

As Eren dropped his head back against the door, Armin felt a thump against his back. Without thinking about it, Eren reached underneath his shirt and pulled out the key held around his neck – the key to his cellar buried beneath the rubble of his home. "I don't understand any of this, Armin. What could my father have been working on in the cellar? Why would he do something to," he struggled to formulate the correct words, "to wipe my memory? And if he did, did he do the same to Mikasa?" His hands clenched into fists at the thought of Mikasa undergoing some strange experiment, regardless of if the same thing had been done to him. "Is that why she doesn't know? He _did_ something to me," his voice trailed off as he remembered the fear and pain he felt from his father's actions – his father's strong grip holding him down while he injected him with… _something,_ shortly before he could only remember blackness and nothing. "Why would he do that and not tell me what he was doing? Why the secrecy? Why not readily share the information? Why make us risk even more lives for this?!"

Sensing Eren's anger flaring once more, Armin also dropped his head back against the door and looked up at the ceiling. Dark moss covered the corners, and the soft sound of water dripping greeted his ears from more than one place. It was dark and dank, like being in a dungeon – very fitting for their situation. "I'm sure he had his reasons," was the only answer he could think of.

Eren scoffed. "I'm sure he did. Just like I'm sure Annie did. Not that we'll ever know."

"You put so little faith in me, Jaeger?"

Armin and Eren jumped to their feet at the sound of the Section Commander's voice, snapping to proper attention and slamming their right fists over their hearts. "Hanji!" they both exclaimed.

Hanji smiled at Armin and stopped in front of Eren's door before repeating herself. "You put so little faith in me, Eren?"

"No, ma'am," Eren answered, shaking his head to emphasize his words.

"Then stop worrying about things that are beyond your control. We wanted Annie alive, right? She's alive. You say we need to go to your cellar to find what your father told you. Erwin and Levi will make sure that happens. You can count on them. Has your time with us taught you nothing?"

Sufficiently chastised, Eren lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Hanji smiled. Eren usually wasn't so easily contrite. "The brave soldiers that died during the recon expedition and today in Stohess will not be forgotten. Their sacrifice will _not_ be in vain. That is one of our main objectives, Jaeger. Do _not_ forget that." Her voice grew harsh by the end, but her eyes were still light and sparkling. "We still have so much work to do!" She cocked her head to the side as she challenged him. "Or did this skirmish send you running for the hills with your tail tucked between your legs?"

Bristling at her insinuation, Eren clenched his hands into fists. As much as Armin hated to admit it, Eren was predictable in what would motivate him. Hanji knew exactly what she needed to say. "You know I won't stop until all of the titans are dead," he growled.

Her face melting into a smile, Hanji clapped her hands together, her glasses flashing in the dim light. "Good! There's the Eren Jaeger we all know and love!" She stepped back to look at both of them with a smile, especially when Eren glared at her choice of words. "Now it's time for both of you get some rest. We've had a long day." Her eyes fell to Armin for a moment before returning to Eren, the mirth completely gone from her expression. "I don't agree with you being held captive either, Eren. Not for a moment."

"Thank you." He bowed softly.

Armin was surprised at the change in his demeanor, but had no choice but to follow the section commander. He stepped away from the door, turning to look back at Eren over his shoulder. There was more he wanted to say… "Good night, Eren."

"Good night, Armin." Eren watched one of his best friends and one of the best section commanders disappear down the dark hallway until he was surrounded once more by darkness and silence. Hanji's words had the desired effect and although he was still haunted by what he'd seen, the images only drove him and added to his sense of purpose as his hand coiled around the key that dangled from his neck. He'd make it to the cellar. He'd find out what his father was hiding. And he'd make the titans pay.

When he finally collapsed into the bed just a few moments later, Mikasa's scent gently greeted him as he buried his face in the pillow. He couldn't help it. Thinking about what had happened, recalling the feel of her skin against his, the sound of her uttering his name in the throes of passion… It made his heart race and his face feel hot and his stomach clench and feelings he hadn't known existed coursed through his veins with such ferocity it surprised him. Scarcely suppressing a groan, he pressed his face into the pillow, stifling the sound. _'What the hell did we do?!'_ he silently cursed himself. While there was no question about how willing either of them had been, and how it had been exactly what both of them had clearly needed at the time, he had to admit that it might have just made things complicated. _A lot more complicated._

Despite the possible drawbacks, he gave in to his mental urges and replayed his moments with Mikasa. It had been so liberating to act purely on instinct – so natural – and that had been calming. So much of his life had become about fighting and trying to control this immense power within him, that being able to let go had been akin to the weight of the world being lifted from his shoulders. If losing himself in Mikasa's embrace, or perhaps just the memory of her embrace, gave him that same sense of peace, he would delve into it. And as he recalled the feeling of her in his arms, a soft smile graced his lips and he slipped easily into a peaceful sleep.

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters. They all belong to Hajime Isayama._


	4. Day Pass

The next day passed in a blur. Eren kept himself as busy as he could in the small space allotted him. He worked out – did push ups until his arms could no longer support him, did sit ups and twists and leg throws until his abdominals screamed, did squats and lunges until he collapsed. The physical activity was a good distraction – it kept his mind from turning to what was happening in the capital, kept him from dwelling on the mistakes he had made, but more importantly, kept him from looking at the bed and thinking about Mikasa.

While he had allowed himself to think about her the previous night, waking up with her on his mind, not knowing or understanding what their current situation now was, quickly proved to be too much for him to handle cooped up in such a small space. While he wanted to see his friends, ask them if there had been any news, he was also nervous about seeing them. He wanted to see Mikasa, but also didn't know what he would say to her once he did. He had no idea what the previous night meant for them, if it meant anything. If he hadn't been such a coward, he would have asked Armin about it, but part of him wasn't sure how Armin would take such news… So he did what he thought was the best thing to do – forced all of it from his mind and physically pushed himself to the brink of exhaustion.

Guards were the ones to bring him his meals, meager as they were, but he found himself grateful that he didn't have to explain his condition to anyone and that they didn't bother asking why he was steaming, dripping sweat, limping, and could barely lift his arms. Instead, they looked at him like a bug they would like to squish with their boot but didn't want to go through the trouble of having to clean their boot off afterward. Eren didn't care. He simply took the food they gave him and gave them only silence in return.

Day melted into night and Eren found himself looking to the door with an unknown feeling in his gut. He sat on the bed, his elbows resting on his legs as he leaned forward. He could hear the guards talking further down the hall, but couldn't make out what they were saying. His stomach felt tight and clenched, but also light, like butterflies had been set loose inside. _'What the fuck?!'_ he inwardly cursed, shaking his head in an effort to clear his thoughts. Approaching steps pulled him from his inward reflection.

"Jaeger."

He was both relieved and annoyed when it was Hanji's voice that called to him. "Yes, Section Commander?" he asked, slowly rising to his feet. His legs screamed in agony.

Noticing his slow rise, Hanji narrowed her eyes, her glasses flashing in the darkness. "What's wrong with you?" she immediately queried, her voice harsh as he approached the door.

Forcing himself to not limp, Eren shrugged. "Nothing."

"Bullshit," she spat, noticing the slight steam coming from his body now that he was closer.

Eren swallowed. Hanji knew how to get information. He knew better than to lie to her. "I worked out too hard, that's all." He attempted a smile. "I don't do well cooped up," he added honestly.

The harshness left Hanji's face. "I understand." Her posture visibly relaxed but she offered no information and Eren grew more tense, his shoulders bunching.

"Hanji?" he asked, his eyebrow rising, "Did you need something?"

She startled, shaking her head and tossing her bangs as she did so. Even in the dim light from the torches, Eren could see pink spreading to her cheeks. "Oh! Right! I came with an update from Commander Erwin." She paused as Eren grew incredibly still. "Which is that there is no update," she reluctantly admitted, wary until Eren let out a pent up breath.

"Damn it."

"This could be a good thing," she attempted to encourage him. "At least they aren't calling for your head."

"Yet," he corrected her, his eyes flashing. Hanji's eyes narrowed and she looked him over again. Eren had never been what could be considered a "positive" person, but this side was new to her… He seemed to sense her scrutiny and waved her off. "Have you made any progress with Annie?"

Now it was Hanji's turn to grow dark, her eyes cast in shadow as she looked down. "No. So far as I can tell she is unresponsive to our attempts to communicate, but I'm not convinced that that means she _can't_ hear us." She looked back up at him. "This state of hers has to take energy. I don't think she can keep it up indefinitely. We'll keep working on it. Don't you worry."

Eren sighed, dropping his head back to look at the ceiling as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Can't promise you that, Hanji."

Smiling at his honesty, Hanji placed her hand on the bars. "I understand that, but I promise I will keep you updated. Can I get you anything?"

"Can you get me out of here?" he asked softly, still not lowering his eyes. She didn't answer him for so long, Eren lowered his gaze to look at her. "Hanji?"

"Hold that thought, Jaeger. I might be able to do something for you tomorrow."

"What?" She didn't answer him as she spun on her heel and disappeared down the hallway, leaving him to stare after her in confusion. "Hanji?!"

* * *

True to her word, Hanji came to get him before dawn the next morning, her smile wider than perhaps he had ever seen it, except when she was recounting bonding with her titan subjects, Sauny and Bean. "Rise and shine, Jaeger!" she called as the guard clanged his keys against the metal lock more than was necessary.

"What?" he asked sleepily, rolling from the bed before he was even fully awake.

"I've gotten you a day pass!"

He ran a hand down his face and yawned as Hanji stepped inside. "A day pass?" he queried.

"We've been ordered to let you out for the day under strict supervision," the guard elaborated. Eren was immediately awake, his eyes wide. "You are to remain in sight of Section Commander Hanji Zoe, Jean Kirschtein, or Mikasa Ackerman at all times. If at any time you leave their sight, we are authorized to take you down."

Eren's mouth fell open. "Why _Jean_?"

Hanji laughed, well aware of their history. "Because if anyone will _want_ to kill you, it's him."

Eren glowered, his teal eyes flashing. The look only darkened when the burly guard from the day before asked, "You're not at all curious why Ms. Ackerman was included?"

His hands immediately clenching into fists, Levi's voice was the only thing that kept Eren from lashing out. He knew _exactly_ why Mikasa was on the list, even if it hurt his pride to admit it. "I _know_ why," he growled.

"That girl could kill you in a heartbeat," the guard snarled back, stepping closer so that Eren had to look up at him. His eyes flashed as though he were _begging_ Eren to hit him.

Eren's lip pulled back in a sneer. "She'd kill you even faster," he replied, his words dripping with polite hatred.

"Eren!"

The two men turned at the sound of her voice and Eren immediately took a step back, his cheeks darkening at her presence. He hated the way his heart suddenly pounded in his chest and his stomach felt both light and heavy at the same time. He also hated that the guard spoke the truth – except when Eren was a titan, Mikasa was stronger and more lethal than he was… "Mikasa," he breathed, forcing his eyes to meet hers. Her cheeks darkened the moment their eyes met and the fluttering feeling in his stomach only intensified.

Hanji watched as the two looked at each other, sensing something but not sure what it was. "Well! Now that your escort is here!" She shooed the guards out. "See that you make it to breakfast, Eren. You're to go on some practice maneuvers today." When he looked at her in surprise, she simply smiled, her glasses flashing. "You said you felt cooped up and I couldn't justify letting you out just because you asked me to."

Before he could say anything, Hanji disappeared, leaving Eren and Mikasa to stand in awkward silence. "A-a-are you ready to go?" Mikasa finally asked, pulling her scarf up to cover her mouth as she spoke. Her eyes dropped down to the floor.

Eren stared at her a moment, taken completely by surprise by her presence in the first place, but even more so by his sudden lack of knowledge of what to do. Several options tumbled through his head (including throwing her onto the bed), but each seemed more preposterous than the last, and in the end, he shook his head to clear his thoughts, tearing his eyes from her nervous face, and turning to the basin of water beside his bed. "Just give me a minute."

His voice wasn't harsh, but it wasn't soft, and Mikasa took the moment to stare at his back when he turned around. She had been so surprised when Hanji approached her with her plan, but that surprise hadn't even compared to her shock when Hanji's plan had actually been approved. _'I guess there is something to be said about being told you're worth 100 soldiers,'_ she supposed, even if she didn't agree with that comparison. Regardless, she was just as nervous about seeing Eren as he was about seeing her (even if she didn't know this). Although she would never dream of using them on him, wearing her ODM gear and being able to grip the handles to her swords gave her a sense of security and helped to still the trembling in her hands.

The night she had gone to him and then drank with her teammates, Mikasa had slept better than she had in a long time. While she hadn't been able to fall asleep immediately, her brain refusing to turn off, once she did she slept soundly and peacefully. She wasn't sure which factor was to thank for that, but she believed it had more to do with Eren than the alcohol, even if the following day found her more anxious than ever before. Not a single person had been able to tell, of course, with the exception of Armin; and when Hanji had approached her with her idea that night she had actually debated telling the section commander no. In the end, her desire to see Eren and her loyalty to her best friend had won out.

"Okay," he said, suddenly turning around and startling her from her thoughts. He had washed his face, ran some water through his hair to tame it to a degree, and changed his shirt. He smiled easily at her and before she knew what she was doing, she found herself smiling back. Her mouth was covered, but he could see the crinkle to her eyes and it made him smile wider. "Let's eat!"

"Right!"

They walked in silence, moving through the halls of the castle with ease. The only sound was the click of their boots against the stone floor, the soft rattle of Mikasa's blades, and the occasional brush of their clothes against the other. The first time this happened, their hands brushed each other's and they looked at each other with wide eyes for a moment before quickly looking away. Mikasa tugged at her scarf and Eren cleared his throat as they took a wider step to create some distance while they mounted the steps from the dungeon. But then it happened again and this time they didn't look at each other, but Mikasa smiled beneath her scarf, and Eren's ears grew warm. They didn't step away from each other that time.

By the time they made it to the mess hall, nearly everyone was already present and in line, getting ready to eat. Eren and Mikasa entered like it was any other day, only Eren was in front of Mikasa as was expected since he was "under guard". They were greeted with their fair share of shocked stares, of mouths gaping in awe, and more than one glare of hatred. "What the fuck is he doing here?!" "They let him out?!" "They really think _she'd_ take _him_ down?!" "What if he turns on us?!" These were just some of the concerns blurted throughout the mess hall, all of them from garrison guards. Not a single scout had something bad to say.

"Eren!" Armin called, running up to his friends with a grin. "I can't believe Hanji was able to get you out!"

Eren smiled at his childhood friend. "Only because Hanji, Jean, or Mikasa will kill me if I leave their sight."

"I don't want you in my sight in the first place, you maniac," Jean threatened, coming up from behind them with a smile. He already had a tray of food but came back around once he noticed the red scarf was present.

"Good 'cause I don't want to see you either," Eren taunted back, but his smile matched Jean's. Their easy bantering put Armin at ease, his relieved sigh audible as they finally received their food and took a seat.

Following Armin, they joined their former fellow cadets – now the people they found themselves the closest to. "Eren!" Christa cried happily as they joined their table. Christa and Ymir were already at one end, next to Sasha and Conny, across from Bertholdt, and Reiner. Jean took a seat next to Conny and Armin next to him. Eren sat next to Reiner and Mikasa sat on the end next to him. From the outside, nothing had changed between Eren and Mikasa. Although she sat beside him, they were careful not to touch and almost painfully avoided even looking at each other. But that wasn't terribly uncommon for them either, not with their often-volatile relationship – so nothing was thought of it.

"Hanji have some crazy experiment planned for you today?" Reiner asked in between bites of food.

Eren had never thought food tasted so fresh. Not that their food really was fresh, but it was much better in the mess hall than in the dungeon and he worked at it carefully, trying not to shovel it down, even though his stomach was begging him to. Mikasa picked at her food beside him, finally pulling the scarf down from her face to eat, but he noticed she was careful to keep it snug against her neck. _'What's that about?'_ He decided he'd have to ask her about it later. "If she does, she hasn't told me. She told me I'm to go out on some maneuvers?"

Conny groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh, man, I'm sorry! She's been talking about a new training program she's working on. She was talking about testing it out on you first."

Eren looked at him with a furrowed brow. "What? Why me?"

"Because if you get hurt you'll heal faster than the rest of us, you idiot," Jean answered with a roll of his eyes. Mikasa shot him a look from beside Eren and he dropped his eyes to his bowl of gruel.

"Mikasa's coming with me," Eren reminded them, not sure why his chest suddenly felt so weird when he said those words. Or why his hand suddenly wanted to touch her. He took a drink instead.

"Of course she is. She could probably do the maneuvers with her eyes closed," Reiner commented with a shrug.

Beside Eren, Mikasa blushed, turning so her hair partially concealed her face. It was one of those motions she did that made Eren want to brush her hair back from her face and he mentally shook himself from his thoughts. _'Damn it! Get a grip already!'_

"I wouldn't say that," she argued, her voice soft and quiet. Eren found himself staring at her.

"Come on, Mikasa. We all know she had you running them already. There's no point in hiding it," Conny contended.

"Seriously?" Eren asked, not able to stop himself.

Mikasa's eyes slowly met his, the dark gray-blue orbs full of conflicting emotions when she looked at him. "Hanji did have me helping her with running through some before the recon mission," she admitted.

"Why didn't I know about this?" he asked, not realizing how soft his voice had gotten. There was no edge to his voice.

"It's not like you asked," she replied just as quietly, but she _did_ allow a hint of an edge to enter her voice. Eren swallowed and cringed inwardly. She was right. It was so typical of him. He never asked what was going on with her. It was always all about him… Before they could draw any more attention to themselves, he cleared his throat and looked away. "Besides, Captain Levi had you busy with other duties," she defended for him. _Of course_ she would make an excuse for him…

The table was quiet, too quiet, and when Eren looked up he was mortified to see that they were all looking at them. Looking at them like… what? What did they think was happening? Did they think something was going on? Did they know something happened? _'Shit! What do I do?! Should I say something?!'_

"So, have you heard anything back from the capital yet?" Bertholdt asked, breaking the awkward silence and successfully changing the subject.

"Nothing."

"You think that's weird?" Jean asked, glancing at Mikasa out of the corner of his eye.

Eren shrugged, downing the last of his breakfast. Suddenly there were far too many eyes on him. "Yes," he hesitated, then added, "and no. Things take time up there. Hanji told me to trust the Commander and Captain Levi." Images flashed in his mind that he wanted to forget – Petra's broken body, Eld bitten in half, Odowo and Gunta… He shook his head, gnashing his teeth together so hard that Mikasa heard it and gasped. "So I'm trusting them."

"Eren," Mikasa breathed, her hand falling to his thigh beneath the table. He tensed at her touch, but then relaxed, not looking at her but closing his eyes. Everyone except for Armin, his heart aching for his best friend, missed the small movement between the two. Eren had not told anyone about the "bite of trust" the Levi Squad had participated in, for him, except for Mikasa and Armin. They knew exactly what he was thinking about.

"Let's go," Eren murmured, turning from her touch and retreating from the eyes of his fellow scouts without another word. Mikasa quickly followed, leaving the rest of them to stare after them with wide eyes.

"What the hell was that?" Jean asked, his eyes only on Mikasa.

"You keep saying Eren's dense, but sometimes you really aren't any better," Reiner pointed out, his golden eyes sharp and harsh on Jean.

Jean opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He'd heard what happened in the forest with Eren, but hadn't witnessed it. He _had_ however, seen what happened in Stohess. They'd all been through terrible things… "Whatever," he grumbled, and went back to his breakfast.

* * *

"Eren!" Mikasa called, running to catch up to him. Eren kept moving, not quite running but not quite walking, toward the equipment shed. "Eren!" she called again, harsher this time when he didn't listen to her. When he still ignored her, she reached out and grabbed his arm, forcibly pulling him to a stop and spinning him around. "Eren!" She felt ready to slap him.

Caribbean eyes crashed into hers, their depths wavering with the emotions roiling behind them. "What?" he snapped.

Pulling her hand back out of reflex, Mikasa immediately let him go as though the contact burned her. The moment her face fell, her eyes leaving his to look beside his feet, Eren immediately regretted his reaction, cursing himself for his gut reflex – the reflex that seemed to hurt her the most. "Mikasa," he started, reaching out to pull her hand back. "I'm sorry."

Their skin touched, her hand easily fitting within his, and it was like a chain reaction. Her fingers slipped between his, and his curled around hers, gripping gently but firmly, and pulled her back to him. He had the presence of mind to look around quickly before pulling her between two buildings, one of which was the equipment shed. She followed on numb feet, her hand tingling, and her brain foggy as she suddenly found herself pressed against the stonewall at her back, Eren's left hand planted on the wall beside her head. "E-Eren?" she whispered. His face was awfully close to hers…

He didn't answer her. Instead, his right hand loosed hers and fell to her waist, gripping her firmly while his lips captured hers. She was so taken off guard that he deepened the kiss, his tongue rolling against her teeth before her senses caught up to her and her arms wrapped around his neck. He stepped forward, sandwiching her body between his and the wall as her tongue rolled against his, her fingers diving into his hair. They were pressed together nearly from head to toe, the sensation of pressure exhilarating for both of them as Eren's hips pressed into Mikasa's and she broke the kiss off in order to breathe. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, his lips suddenly just outside her ear and making her shiver.

Her fingers caught in his hair and she sighed, not opening her eyes as he gently tugged on the scarf snug around her neck. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she breathed, her voice unsteady in a very _un-Mikasa_ way. His gasp indicated that he found his mark and a moment later his fingertip gently brushed her bruised skin. Mikasa chuckled softly, her hand coming up to rest on his as her eyes finally opened. "Well, except maybe for that," she added with a smile.

Eren loved her smile. Especially when her cheeks were flushed and her lips were red from him kissing them. Her eyes were hooded, her irises so dark they looked black. "I didn't even realize… Does it hurt?" he asked, his voice deep with concern.

Biting her lower lip softly, Mikasa shook her head. "Not at all." Her blush deepened as she averted her eyes. Eren could immediately tell she had something else to say, but didn't want to say it.

"What? Tell me," he demanded, his voice no longer harsh.

Exasperated, she sighed, shifting her weight so that her hip pressed against him. He grimaced and pulled away from her in just the slightest, and her blush deepened even more, especially when she noticed blood rushing to his cheeks. "Well," she began, "I-it actually felt nice."

"What?" he blinked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

Mikasa rolled her eyes and pushed him away from her. "Forget it. Let's get your gear."

Now it was Eren's turn to grab her, his hand catching her wrist firmly. She could wrench free if she truly wanted to, they both knew that. "Mikasa, wait. What about," he hesitated, his heart roaring loudly in his ears, "the other night? Should we… talk about it?"

Her heart flipped in her chest, landing in her throat, but Mikasa managed to swallow around it. "What's there to talk about?" She hated the words even as they spilled from her mouth, but she hated the dejected fall to Eren's shoulders even more.

Stunned, Eren could only stare at her, his mouth open and his eyes wide. _'Is this really Mikasa? Mikasa?!'_ "Well, I-I-I just," he floundered, feeling himself grow redder and more nervous the more he attempted to speak and failed.

Although she felt her heart being wrenched from her chest as she did it, Mikasa turned and stepped out of their hiding place before entering the equipment shed, leaving a confused Eren to follow after her. "I don't expect anything from you, Eren," she finally spoke once they checked out Eren's ODM gear on the log. "I know better than that."

Her words stung more than he cared to admit. "Is that how _you_ feel?"

' _Is he on to me? Does he know?! What do I do if he does?!'_ Mikasa underwent a moment of internal panic. "It doesn't matter if it's how I feel. It's how you are," she stated flatly. They were already heading toward some trees used for training.

"What if I don't want to keep being like that?" he argued, his eyes on her back. She had let her duty slip her mind, not that either of them were thinking about that at the moment.

"I don't know that it's something you can just stop."

"Mika," he started.

She stopped at the sound of her nickname, the nickname she wasn't even aware she had until his lips were on her neck; the name he had cried out when they were in the middle of making love. Without realizing she was doing it, her hand came up to touch her scarf, gently running her fingers over the love mark he left. Her heart felt so full and so empty at the same time, it made her eyes burn and her throat feel tight. _'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.'_

Eren stared at her back, having no idea what he planned on saying once he opened his mouth. He just wanted her to stop acting so mad! _'What the hell is her problem anyway? Why is she acting like this?!'_ Her shoulders were held back, her back as straight as could be, but he could see through the tension – could see through it but had no idea how to address it or even if he should. "Maybe this is a bad idea," he muttered, voicing her thoughts without realizing it. "If you don't want to do this, I'll just go back to my cell." He scarcely waited for a reply before turning back around, heading back to the equipment shed.

His words were like a knife and Mikasa shrunk away from them before coming to her senses. She hated how weak Eren made her feel, but spun on her heel to look after his retreating form nonetheless. "Wait!" His heart fluttered when she called out to him and he stopped, bracing himself before turning around. When their eyes met, she floundered, opening her mouth but not sure what to say before spewing, "Hanji expects you to run the paces, so we better do them. Plus, you were the one who needed some time out of your cage."

Eren's eyes hardened at her words. Why was she always so focused on what he needed or what he wanted? Didn't her own needs or wants matter? "It's not only about what I want," he ground out, his voice low as he tried to convey the entirety of his meaning with what he said.

Mikasa understood his meaning immediately – they had been so close for so long it was impossible not to. "I know that," she answered, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

He took several steps closer, his eyes darting around them before looking back into hers. Every nerve in his body was on alert. He felt like a wild animal ready to strike or spring away, unsure of which would be the best course of action. "Do you?" he questioned, not even a hint of harshness present in his voice as he stopped so that they were merely inches apart. Their ODM gears practically touched and he had to drop his head in order to meet her gaze. His hands moved forward on their own, brushing against hers gingerly. The contact made her eyes flash and his eyes dropped to her mouth as she swallowed.

"I do." Her voice was barely above a whisper and she could scarcely hear herself over the pounding of her heart in her ears. She had been excited about the prospect of seeing Eren today, but the morning had proved more tumultuous than she could have ever expected. This latest turn of events left her even more confused, but also more excited.

His hands brushed against hers again and this time she brushed back, her eyes lowering so that her eyelashes brushed against her cheeks. Her nearly translucent skin glowed a soft pink at the contact and Eren found his heart pounding anew. "Then tell me what you want," he breathed.

Mikasa's eyes snapped to his and the fire in them took his breath away. Before he could even react she put her hands on his chest and shoved him back into the equipment shed, locking the door behind them.

 _A/N: I hope you've enjoyed this latest update! Please comment/review!_

 _The usual disclaimer. I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters. They all belong to Hajime Isayama._


	5. Out and About

_As promised, this story has **not** been abandoned. I've been puttering around in a lot of my "ignored" stories lately, wanting to catch up with some while trying to get the gumption to work on some of my other projects. This has honestly been sitting 90% done for a long time and rather than keep putting it off, I figured I'll just stop this chapter where it is and go from there! I hope you enjoy the update! As always, thanks for reading. Your faves and comments mean the world to me!_

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Eren found himself shoved back against the assembly table, hitting it with enough force that it squealed across the floor as it was moved back several inches. The edge hit high against his thighs, so he was cushioned, but still flinched from the harsh contact. Mikasa was in front of him again in a flash, her hands back on his chest, just where they had been before she shoved him. Her eyes were dark and yet flashing, and although her sudden assertiveness excited him, it also startled him. Was this going to be a good thing or a bad thing? He didn't have time to ask her before her lips smashed against his.

Mikasa wasn't even sure of her own feelings anymore. She'd wanted to see Eren but then had been so nervous it had nearly stolen all of her excitement. Their relationship had clearly changed, but she was confused as to how and what that change meant. Despite the confusion, she knew one thing for certain. She was in love with him. Mad, hurt, confused, and in love – which seemed to be her typical state of mind nowadays. Her actions were, in a way, her way of taking her emotional strain out on him – she understood that just as much as he did. She wanted to believe what he'd said, but how could she? Eren was always so singularly focused, she wasn't sure this change could last for long… Even so, the possibility had her excited, her heart soaring as much from the thought as from his fierce return of her kiss, his hands immediately dropping to her belt to release her ODM gear.

Her gear hit the floor with a loud rattle, but neither of them so much as jumped. Instead, Eren pulled her tightly to him, her gear no longer hitting the table and forcing her to keep her distance. The sensation of her body pressed tightly against his, his hand at her lower back pressing them even closer together, made a pleasant shiver run down her spine.

When the need for oxygen necessitated that they separate, Eren once more tugged at her scarf, exposing her neck. As his lips assaulted her delicate flesh, careful not to leave any marks this time, his hands moved lower, working on the buttons to her shirt. She was just as busy, releasing his ODM gear before pulling his shirt from his pants. The moment her hand touched the flesh of his abdomen, he shuddered and spun, pinning her against the table with just as much force as she'd shown him, the table being moved back several more inches. Their breath, which came in rapid pants, mixed and mingled between them, caressing the cheeks and lips of the other as Eren set Mikasa on the edge of the table, her legs immediately parting to allow his hips to press pleasantly against her core. It wasn't until their shirts were lumps of material on the floor, Eren's pants were undone and hanging low on his hips, and Mikasa's pants were gaping open, that he pulled her off the table to work at the bindings covering her chest.

Her chest freed, Eren's mouth immediately trailed down, licking and nipping at her neck as he pulled her away from the table. His lips enclosed around one nipple, Mikasa's fingers diving into his hair, as he shoved her pants down off her hips. She was leaning back in his arms, a happy sigh escaping her, even as she shimmied out of her pants, kicking them off. When he switched to lave at her other breast, she pushed his own pants down the rest of the way and fell back against the table with an uncharacteristic giggle.

The musical sound of Mikasa's laughter caused Eren to pause. It was such a rare occurrence, a valuable sound that was not made often enough, that he had to relish it, enjoy it as it rang gently against his ears, immediately bringing a smile to his face. He wanted her to make that sound more often, to feel less of the pressures he so obstinately pushed upon them both, but he didn't know how, other than with what he was doing. Carefully trailing his hand to her hip and then lower, he huskily whispered in her ear, "You have a nice laugh."

His words surprised Mikasa so much she stilled, her hands gripping his shoulders. He took her moment of surprise as an opportunity to press a finger between her thighs, taking her breath away with the sudden but gentle movement so much so that she sighed. "Eren…"

He smiled against her neck, pressing into her as he felt a shudder work its way down her body. The powerful and strong Mikasa was putty in his hands, and it was more than a little stroke to his ego as his lips trailed to the hollow of her neck. "Mika…"

The breathy sound of his voice caused Mikasa to close her eyes. She'd quickly adjusted to one finger and couldn't help the groan that escaped her when he cautiously inserted another, readying her for what both their bodies were so obviously craving. Part of her wanted to tell him to stop, to just get on with it already, but he was trying to be thoughtful, and she couldn't afford the pain that would come from such a rash action later. It was a gesture she was both surprised and grateful for as her hips rocked against him on their own.

Just when Mikasa was about ready to lose her mind, Eren carefully withdrew his hand and hoisted her up onto the table. They were still new to this, so a tiny voice in the back of his head questioned his actions. Would it even work this way? He'd heard stories, but even as he pulled her to the edge, her legs immediately wrapping around his waist, he had his doubts. Regardless, the lust in Mikasa's hooded eyes, the way she pulled him to her by the shoulders, pushed the doubt into the back of his mind. As he closed the distance between them, guiding himself towards her desired core, she tightened her grip on him with her legs, guiding him quickly to her entrance.

The moment her wet heat enveloped him, he released his hold to grip her hips, pulling her to him as he pressed into her. A mix between a sigh and a moan escaped Mikasa's lips as her eyes closed, her head falling back as he buried his head in her shoulder. Not only was the position clearly possible, but he was entering her at a different angle than before, causing a thrill to run down both their spines. The table was the perfect height, and before Eren could stop himself, he thrust himself into her the rest of the way with a grunt. Being enveloped in her sheath was akin to coming home, and he shuddered pleasantly.

"My God, Eren," Mikasa breathed, pulling his head up to capture his lips with her own.

"Are you okay?" he whispered once she released him.

She giggled again, the sound music to his ears even as it caused him to groan – her laughter rippled through her whole body and tightened her muscles around him. "More than okay," she answered, adjusting her grip on his shoulders once more.

Without saying so much in words, she was telling him what he needed to hear, and he cautiously started moving, working in long, slow strokes. Her legs and hips responded immediately in kind, rolling to meet each of his thrusts as he held her lower back angled to him with one hand and braced himself on the table with the other. Each thrust hit a bundle of nerves inside Mikasa, making lights flicker beneath her eyelids as tingling pleasure rippled down her limbs. The table was cool and hard at her back, in stark contrast to the fierce heat emanating from Eren, building a blazing fire within her with each press inside her. When she couldn't support herself, she pulled his head to her, his lips and teeth grazing her breasts as his grip across her lower back and hips somehow pulled her down onto him even more.

They weren't bothering to be quiet, weren't thinking of the other soldiers that may be milling about outside or perhaps even needing access to the equipment shed. All they could think about was each other, their skin against skin, their lips battling for dominance as Eren's thrusts grew in both strength and speed. Before they knew it, the table was wiggling beneath them, sweat rolling down Eren's cheek as Mikasa bit his shoulder. When he reached his peak, it nearly took him by surprise, Eren slamming into Mikasa as he pulled her tightly to him. The sudden show of strength and intense pressure sent Mikasa directly over the edge after him, his mouth quickly finding hers to drown their mutual cries. Even as they rode their highs down, Eren didn't relent in his kiss, his lips nearly bruising as his tongue probed every corner of Mikasa's mouth while his hips continued to grind into hers. It was enough to make her light-headed, stars flashing behind her eyes as she groaned into the kiss, dragging her short fingernails across his shoulders as she clamped down on him once more. With one final nibble on her lower lip, Eren broke off the kiss, panting as he dropped his forehead against hers.

They remained that way, as one, until Eren felt himself softening within her. It was a strange sensation for both of them, neither truly wanting to part despite the responsibilities nagging at the back of their minds. Slowly, reluctantly, Eren stood up straighter, supporting Mikasa to a full sitting position as he went to leave her. She stopped him with one hand pressed to his chest, her dark eyes wavering as she looked up at him with a crease between her brows.

"What is it, Mikasa?" His voice was deep with passion, but gentle. Even though they were pressed together from the hips down, the remnants of his desire grinding into her core, he would stop if she wanted him to. He meant what he'd said – he would pay more attention to her needs…

Mikasa hesitated before answering, her hand on his chest trembling slightly. "I won't pretend to understand what you went through on the Recon Mission," she started, her eyes boring into his with such intensity it made goose bumps break out on his skin, "but… I watched Annie bite your nape," her voice cracked as tears brimmed in her eyes. Her hand distractedly drew a circle on his chest, moving to rest above the steady pounding of his heart. "I-I didn't know what to do…"

"Mika," he whispered, attempting to pull her fully into his arms by wrapping one arm around her back and pressing his free hand to her cheek.

She shook him off, her gaze turning hard. "You have no idea what that felt like." Her words were harsh but whispered as she turned her gaze away from his. Raven black hair nearly hid her features as she looked down, but he could still see the way her eyes drifted closed, her shoulders hunching as if in defeat.

Eren immediately saw Mikasa and Armin running in opposite directions away from him underground. He remembered the terror that shot through him when the walls started to collapse from Annie's attack – when he thought he was sure to lose at least one of them, if not both of them. He'd felt so helpless! "I do," he muttered, his words so soft Mikasa wasn't sure she heard him as she peered up into his face curiously. This time he succeeded in pulling her to him, one arm wrapped around her back while the other pressed against the back of her head, holding her tightly against his chest. "In the tunnels. I know exactly what that felt like."

His voice was a rich rumble against her ear, and Mikasa's eyes widened at his words, recalling the exact instance he was referencing. She'd thought all he felt was anger, frustration at himself for not being able to transform when he needed to. Clearly his thoughts and feelings had run much deeper than that. Her arms wrapped around him as she buried her face in his chest, allowing the tension and fear she had been bottling up to come to the surface as he held her – as _Eren_ held _her_! "If it weren't for Captain Levi," she mumbled.

He squeezed her gently. "I don't want to talk about him."

With a soft sigh, Mikasa closed her eyes, allowing herself to fully soak in their position, what had just transpired between them, and the words Eren had said to her. This was a side to him she wasn't used to seeing, while still being a side she was more than ecstatic to experience. How long had she prayed for this, dreamed of his touch, of his love? While such words hadn't been exchanged, some small part of her told her this was more than just a quick hook up to blow off steam. Although that may have been exactly what had happened just the other night, there was more to it than that. She'd been there to pick up his shattered pieces, just as he was doing for her – probably without even realizing it. Regardless, remaining joined as one in the equipment shed, completely naked, wasn't a good idea for either of them. At least, not for long.

When she raised her eyes back to his, the turquoise depths nearly stole her breath away. He was watching her carefully but intently, both relaxed and tense at the same time – clearly waiting for her reaction. She smiled gently, her lips curling up mostly on one side, before brushing his hair back out of his face. "Then we won't talk about him," she murmured.

A smile flitted across Eren's lips before he leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers once more. This kiss was slow and languid, the fierce passion from earlier quenched as he finally slipped out of her. He savored her as much as she savored him, even when he wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled her off the table. "Maybe we should get out of here," he whispered once they parted, his breath ghosting across her lips as he pressed his hips against hers. Their kiss had clearly been arousing as he pressed into her.

"Fine," she grumbled, finally stepping out of his grasp and turning to retrieve her clothes. Eren only watched her for a moment longer, lust burning brightly in his eyes, before doing the same.

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Moments later, they left the equipment shed, their uniforms and ODM gear back in place even if they were no longer pristine. They left the shed with their heads held high, looking for all the world like they had not just frantically had sex on top of the table. Only the slight flush to Mikasa's cheeks gave any indication that something out of the ordinary had happened.

When they arrived at the "obstacle course", Mikasa held her hand up, turning to look at Eren from over her shoulder. Several large trees loomed above them, targets half the size of their necessary cuts spaced sporadically throughout. Many were placed in ways such that the only maneuver to take care of both targets included spinning completely around the branch their ODM gear would have to attach to. These small targets were interspersed with larger, more accurately sized targets, as well as cut outs of titans that were moving about – popping out from behind trees and from below branches. As if the obstacles themselves weren't challenging enough, the course was also higher up than most buildings within wall Maria.

"What is Hanji thinking?" Eren muttered, mostly to himself as he watched several targets disappear and seemingly reappear in a different location. _'How would she even have time to set this up in the first place?'_

"She's trying to avoid a repeat of our past mistakes," Mikasa answered, her voice quiet and low. Her answer brought Eren's eyes to hers and she felt like she might melt, but her resolve solidified when he offered her a silent nod, determination clear in his eyes.

"So, you're the only one to have seen this?"

She nodded, her eyes sliding from his as she prepared her blades. "Try and keep up!" she jeered just before propelling forward, her gear tugging her forward and up, away from the man she wanted so much to be close to.

To her relief, the sound of Eren's ODM gear responding almost immediately reached her ears just before he shouted, "Mikasa!"

The urge to laugh was strong, which startled her. What they were doing was no laughing matter. It wasn't a joke or a game; but why did it suddenly feel less overwhelming, less threatening with Eren at her side? She wasn't ready for the answer.

* * *

Hours passed before Eren collapsed, missing his landing on an extra wide tree-branch. Rather than land lightly on his feet as Mikasa did, he crashed into the branch with enough force to crack a few ribs, his arms scrabbling for purchase above while his legs kicked frantically below. With a heavy grunt and gritted teeth, he managed to haul himself onto the branch just as Mikasa bent to lend him a hand. Had any of the others been around, it would have been humiliating – it still was.

"Hanji is insane," he panted, grimacing as he dropped the blade from his right hand in order to press it to his throbbing ribs.

Mikasa smiled and sat beside him, one leg easily bent up while the other dangled to the side. She felt a little sore from their earlier activities, the sensation making itself known shortly after they began, but she both enjoyed it and ignored it. If it was the price to pay for sharing such affection with Eren, she'd gladly pay it. Besides, it had been worth it. "Maybe," she admitted. "But she's also a genius."

It was weird to hear Mikasa so openly praise someone, and that fact brought Eren's gaze back up to hers with a furrowed brow. He eyed her a moment, watching the way her eyes danced in the light filtering in through the leaves. Despite all that they had and were facing, he couldn't recall the last time he'd seen her look so… at peace. She was relaxed; her blades tucked safely away, her scarf hanging loosely enough around her neck that he could see his mark on her, and her hand held palm up in front of her, catching the shadows of the leaves in the breeze as though it was something she'd never bothered to do before. In truth, she'd never looked more beautiful.

Before he knew what he was doing, he reached out and brushed her hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear in a way she never wore it. It kept the errant strands from blowing in her face, obstructing his view of her, and when she looked at him, startled, he couldn't help the sheepish grin that worked its way across his lips as his hand retreated to its former place at his side.

"Eren?" she breathed, her lips parted slightly in surprise as her hand fell to her lap.

Feeling his face suddenly warm, Eren cleared his throat and put his blades away, suppressing a grimace as he twisted to the side. He could already feel the beginnings of his healing – his side growing almost painfully warm. It was as the steam slowly began to permeate from his pores that Mikasa gasped. "Eren?!"

He tried to laugh it off, gently brushing her hands away when she searched him for his injury, but she pinned him with her gaze, eyes that had been light and dancing now harsh and sharp. "Don't tell them I got hurt on the landing," he begged, finally catching her hands to still them with his own. "Especially Horse Face."

Now it was Mikasa's turn to laugh, the frown melting from her face as she burst into a smile before giggling. Her melodious laughter rang through the trees, and when a few birds joined in, Eren was lost and laughed right along with her, even if it shot stabbing pain into his ribcage.

* * *

Once Eren's ribs had sufficiently healed, they made their way back to the ground and walked out of the forest. It was as the sounds of the base reached their ears that Eren slowed, the gravity of the situation returning to him – he was going to have to go back to his cell…

"Eren?" Mikasa asked, turning to look at him once he stopped moving.

He didn't speak – he didn't need to. The moment he raised his eyes to hers, Mikasa sighed, moving to stand in front of him, only to gasp when he instead grabbed her hand and pulled her into the shadow of a tree – the trunk large enough to hide three of them standing side-by-side. Once they were safely concealed, Eren pulled Mikasa into the circle of his arms, pressing his lips to hers with a gentle but desperate need. She immediately returned the kiss, her lips immediately parting to allow him entrance as she melted against him. It wasn't until he pulled away that Eren finally spoke. "Thank you."

Her brows drew down, creating a crease between her eyebrows as she looked up at him. "For what?"

Shrugging, a shy smile crossed Eren's lips. "For today." When her eyes widened at his statement, he rolled his eyes. "I don't just mean the equipment shed." Clearly skeptic, her eyes narrowed, glinting mischievously in the afternoon light. "And I mean it, even if I did break a few ribs."

She smiled, the image throwing his heart into an errant pattern. "I have no idea what you mean," she drawled, standing quickly on her toes to plant a kiss at the corner of his mouth. Before he could even react, she spun away from him and pointed with an arm. "After you."

Now that they were back in the base, their responsibilities and the limitations of Eren's freedom pressed down upon the both of them. Reluctantly, Eren fell into step, feeling Mikasa's gaze on his back as she followed a few paces behind. It was already late afternoon, the sun well on its way to its western descent, and the sound of scouts training, horses, and shouts greeted their ears like old friends.

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As always, I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters. All rights belong to Hajime Isayama.


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